Somedays really suck and you don't know why.

Other days are fantastic and you know exactly why.

Two days ago, at the beach, and yesterday, I was MASSIVELY depressed. Honestly, I have NO idea why. Nothing really bad happened. I was thinking about a tragic memory a lot more because my grandmother and therapist had both brought it up, but that was all. Then again this tragic memory is such a big part of what made me who I am, who I was, who I've always been that maybe that is what made me so depressed. I don't know. Anyways... I was depressed. For no apparent reason.
And I took it out on my friends (I really am sorry about that guys...) and loved ones in general. And it just made my whole day suck no matter how many good things happened.
And I HATE when that happens! I mean, is it clinical depression like my old doctors thought? Or is it just repressed memories and such like Stephanie thinks it is?
No lie, I kind of want it to just be a medical thing. That my serotonin levels are out of whack and I need to take a drug for it. I wish that's what it was.
But in all honesty, Stephanie's probably right. It's probably a ton of repressed memories slightly coming to surface that make random days that should be great suck for no reason.
I just want it to go away.

Anyways... Good days that are great and you know why.
You saw that person, that person that makes you smile, that person who randomly brings pizza and cuddles with you on the couch watching tv. That person who is SO dead tired from trying out for soccer. That person whose face lights up when he talks about how well he was doing that morning, about how his coach was seemed happy with him. That person who tried to convince you (again) that the mismatch plaid really was okay. (It's not. I'm sorry.)

I still have Miss Murder stuck in my head, Paul.

You got to see this person after a few days of minor fights and misunderstandings and general annoyances with each other and you got to have a day where both parties weren't fighting, where they came to an understanding and a compromise and everything was good again.
And (best of all) that person brought freaking pizza and root beer with him when he showed up. Some girls like flowers.... Me.... I'll take pizza and a Jones Soda thanks. (Or a few sips of his Fufu Berry Jones... Just saying.)
You saw that person who makes you smile the moment you hear his car pull up.
And it was fun.
And that, mixed with enough sleep for the first time in days, is more than enough to get you out of your funk and make you smile again.
When your younger sisters show up with the first season of Dinosaurs, well... That's just the icing on top of the cake, isn't it?

I should probably go to bed now. My icing is needing babysitting tomorrow at oneish till twoish and I should probably be conscious.

Summertime...

God... maybe, sometimes, this is as good as life gets. Maybe this will be the happiest time of my life.
When it's summertime and I'm covered in bug bites and smelling slightly of bug spray and sun. Walking around in shorts and tee shirts with no school and very few actually important responsibilities (that you kind of forget about and slack on anyways because, well, hey, it's summer isn't it?). When I'm holding hands and playing on swings and giving kisses goodnight. When I'm munching on salt and vinegar chips at 1:30 in the morning writing about whatever random stuff I'm thinking. When the beach is actually not freezing. When my mosquito bite healer stuff is used more than my stress related acne remover stuff.
Maybe this is as good as it gets.

That idea kind of scares me. But at the same time, if this was as good as my life got, if it stayed at this level of awesome for forever, I'd be so happy....
Who knows. I'll just have to see what else life brings won't I?

New Blog Site.

I'm still using and checking this, but in case you didn't get the memo on Facebook, I'm here now. :]