Tonight started off fabulously. I went to Modeling and did great, met Nuri and Chris downtown, ran into Pagiel and a bunch of other people... Twas fabulous. I taught Nuri to swing dance, I flirted and laughed and had boys talk about me and how they wanted me.
I taught Nuri to swing dance and learned a few new tricks. Chris was flipping me around like nobody's business. It was a fantastic time.
Then on the car ride home, Nuri told me something that I'm not willing to post on the internet or tell anyone. It's not their business, it's his. It made me seriously question him and kind of killed the night for a while.
I was texting him until I gathered my thoughts, and then called him. We talked for a long while (we actually just got off the phone at 1:47) and.... While I feel better in general, I felt my long-held hopes and dreams of him ever wanting me when he said, "You're like the sister I always wanted and never admitted I did."
I guess.... I guess after he said what he'd said that dream was kind of crushed anyways. I guess what I told him the other night is still true. "I want the you that isn't you. I want a photocopy of you so I can keep you." I'd now white out some of that photocopy, but... Same basic image. It's like photoshopping something: You keep the idea but make it better. At least, I do. I just make my pictures better. They are the same image though.
I guess.... I don't know. I guess I just want.... I want a movie romance.
If I were writing a movie about this.... Nuri would have done what he did different and I would have been there and... I don't know. Anyways.
I... I'm going to be single.
I'm going to be SINGLE.
For at least six months. I need to. For me. Random kisses and the occasional date that means nothing don't count. But what I mean is... If I have a serious like, I'm going to go so slow with it that it's barely moving. If I met a guy of my dreams tomorrow, I would wait two months to kiss him. I'm not going to do this thing I keep doing where I jump into relationships and everything fizzles out. I'm going to go slow. I'm going to relax.
Goal: Relax.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Gotta Agree With Jenna
Boys are stupid.
But..... they are also there to kiss and, um, other things.
Is that pathetic? The thing I miss most about Sam is that he was freaking awesome at that stuff. When it came to the more sexual aspects of the relationship... whoa.
I love kisses. I love fooling around.
I hate that I'm not getting it.
And refound feelings for a good friend suck too. Because of his whole deal with Allison and Kaleigh. I mean, K is bad for him, so is A. I'm good for him, but he'll need time after this whole mess to get himself okay so he can handle another relationship. Which means even if I am single and so is he, I can't very well do much about it. Plus..... Sam is one of his friends. Soo.... It's not cool to go after a friend of the ex. I don't want to feel this way about him... But I do.
Fuck balls Nuri, why must you be cute and good looking and easy to talk to and so easy to trust? Why must I be going swing dancing with you later? Why am going to ask you to hang out with me and Lucy at her house after Swing? Why? Because your cute and nice and funny and caring and I've wanted to be the girl on your arm since we were freshmen.
Fuck this shit.
Fuck it over and over and over again.
Ahhh well.
Back to Library work. By that I mean, I need to stop bitching about this and do something. But I can't do anything. If I want him... I need to wait. Can I wait? Can I deal with being single and wanting someone who I need to wait for? Who knows. I don't do single well. I'm going to try. He's.... He's worth it. More than worth it.
What I said to him the other night was true. "I can't be with you because if we were together it would go one of two ways: (1) it would be great, we'd get married, be together till we die. (2) It'd be awful, there'd be a huge messy breakup and I'd loose you like this... As my friend." Only now... I don't seem to care about loosing him as my friend. Maybe that's just because he's unavailable or because He's comfortable to sit on and made me stop crying yesterday.
I'm such a slut.
But..... they are also there to kiss and, um, other things.
Is that pathetic? The thing I miss most about Sam is that he was freaking awesome at that stuff. When it came to the more sexual aspects of the relationship... whoa.
I love kisses. I love fooling around.
I hate that I'm not getting it.
And refound feelings for a good friend suck too. Because of his whole deal with Allison and Kaleigh. I mean, K is bad for him, so is A. I'm good for him, but he'll need time after this whole mess to get himself okay so he can handle another relationship. Which means even if I am single and so is he, I can't very well do much about it. Plus..... Sam is one of his friends. Soo.... It's not cool to go after a friend of the ex. I don't want to feel this way about him... But I do.
Fuck balls Nuri, why must you be cute and good looking and easy to talk to and so easy to trust? Why must I be going swing dancing with you later? Why am going to ask you to hang out with me and Lucy at her house after Swing? Why? Because your cute and nice and funny and caring and I've wanted to be the girl on your arm since we were freshmen.
Fuck this shit.
Fuck it over and over and over again.
Ahhh well.
Back to Library work. By that I mean, I need to stop bitching about this and do something. But I can't do anything. If I want him... I need to wait. Can I wait? Can I deal with being single and wanting someone who I need to wait for? Who knows. I don't do single well. I'm going to try. He's.... He's worth it. More than worth it.
What I said to him the other night was true. "I can't be with you because if we were together it would go one of two ways: (1) it would be great, we'd get married, be together till we die. (2) It'd be awful, there'd be a huge messy breakup and I'd loose you like this... As my friend." Only now... I don't seem to care about loosing him as my friend. Maybe that's just because he's unavailable or because He's comfortable to sit on and made me stop crying yesterday.
I'm such a slut.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
My adventures in a Casino.
Okay... Story I told my grandmother about the trip: nothing very eventful happened, work was fun, the people were crazy, I loved Jess and Allan, the rides were boring, and I made Allan pretend to be my boyfriend when weirdos hit on me.
All of that but the first part was true.
Cast of this story:
Jess - One cool chick. She's 19, brown hair, really skinny with impossibly big boobs, completely addicted to her cell phone, and really, really, really funny.
Allan - Sexy beast. Also 19, black hair, tall and muscularly, total sweetheart, and generally very fun to be around.
Ray - I think he's 20. He's pretty. Funny but quiet, very dry sense of humor, bad boy.
Jay - 23. Blond, charming, tall, muscular, kind of annoying, very self centered, but funny.
Sabina - 16. Stupid, beautiful, I don't like her.
Adalisa - 14. Beautiful, even more stupid, really annoying and whiny with a tendancy to insult you without any reasoning or logic. (I mean, she called me fat. xD I was like "What?" And half of what she said was "cunt".)
Guy who's name I can't remember - I don't know how old he was. But he was nerdy and funny. We got into an argument over video games. Turns out hanging out with gamers makes you extremely smart in the ways of the games.
LC - our "boss." He seemed way too close to Sabina for comfort and was generally just weird. But he left me alone and told me I did great, so I was all good.
On the way there we blared music and napped and none of us really talked much.
We stopped at Big Boy for lunch/breakfast and me and the guys downed, like, two plates each at the all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet they have while the girls I was with munched on grapes and half a muffin. The guys all kind of gained a respect for me. Ray and Allan both started looking at me different (which we'll get into later).
We got back on the road and about an hour before we got there it started raining and we were all like "WHAT THE FUCK IT'S RAINING UP HERE?! BITCHES!" after this bonding moment (and many jokes about how I was sliding all over the backseat because I refused to put on my seat belt and every time we turned I'd run into either Jess or Allan who were on either side of me) we spun off the road. Like the car I was in spun off the road. Nobody was hurt, and honestly, it was kind of fun.... His tire is dead, but that seemed to be the extent of the damage.
That kinda made me, Ray, Jess, and Allan all get tighter as we laughed over the ridiculousness of having spun off the road and fairly constantly made fun of LC for spinning us off.
We got to our hotel, which was beautiful, and it had a pool and Wifi. Jess and I instantly declared we were sharing one of the beds because NEITHER of us wanted to be closer to the annoying blondies than we absolutely needed to. (Later that night we actually locked them out for an hour and said we'd been over in the guys room just for peace and quiet.) We all got ready and chilled around for about half an hour until we needed to leave for the job. Friday that was from 4-8 and we had to stand around, in the rain, handing out free samples and coupons for Frozen Strawberry Lemonades from McDonald's. "Hi! Would you like to try a free frozen strawberry lemonade from McDonalds? How many calories? I don't fucking know I'm just here to smile!" I was under a huge umbrella with Ray and Allan, which was really fun. We all kind of just talked, and guessed the years of the cars going by. When I told them I was 16, both of their jaws fell and you could see in their eyes that the hopes they'd both had of getting into my pants that night were gone. When we got off work we went back to the hotel and into the hot tub for a while (all 8 of us) and Allan's mind started a debate you could see. I can honestly say, I was kinda like "If I were single...."
After that we all got out and got cleaned up and drove to some Mom and Pop pub where we ate this completely delicious meal. The service sucked and there was no atmosphere, but it was awesome food with good people, so we were all set. The epic war of rock, paper, scissors began then. Turns out, Jess CAN'T WIN. Which is really funny.
We got back, changed clothes and decided to hit the casino (the one thing to do at night) most of us girls were under 19, but they let us in anyways. I won $7.50 on the slots and was Allan's good luck charm all night (i.e. we stuck together so weirdos didn't hit on me and he won $40 more than he came with). At the end of the night, as we were getting ready to leave, Sabina had almost a full Smirnoff Ice and we had to drink it all before we left. She was taking these baby sips and the shuttle was going to be there in ten minutes. So I stole it from her and chugged the entire thing down. That gained me some SERIOUS respect points.
We went back to the hotel around 2 and us girls crashed in the boys room playing BS and poker and drinking beer until 4:30ish. We got locked out of our room, as Sabina had the key and had magically disappeared...... So we had to bother the sweet old man at the front desk to let us in (Okay, I had to bother the sweet old man. I was the only one who could pretend to be innocent after a couple drinks and no sleep.) Finally we crashed.
We woke up at 9, got ready, and did the McDonald's job again (this time in the sunshine) we stopped at Subway and drove back home. Allan was reading a mini bible in the front, which I found odd and adorable at the same time, I was cuddled up in his sweater dozing in the back, and Jessica was sleeping or texting the whole time.
All in all, I had a SHITLOAD of fun and CAN'T WAIT to do it again, even though, I really do miss everybody when I'm gone. :[
All of that but the first part was true.
Cast of this story:
Jess - One cool chick. She's 19, brown hair, really skinny with impossibly big boobs, completely addicted to her cell phone, and really, really, really funny.
Allan - Sexy beast. Also 19, black hair, tall and muscularly, total sweetheart, and generally very fun to be around.
Ray - I think he's 20. He's pretty. Funny but quiet, very dry sense of humor, bad boy.
Jay - 23. Blond, charming, tall, muscular, kind of annoying, very self centered, but funny.
Sabina - 16. Stupid, beautiful, I don't like her.
Adalisa - 14. Beautiful, even more stupid, really annoying and whiny with a tendancy to insult you without any reasoning or logic. (I mean, she called me fat. xD I was like "What?" And half of what she said was "cunt".)
Guy who's name I can't remember - I don't know how old he was. But he was nerdy and funny. We got into an argument over video games. Turns out hanging out with gamers makes you extremely smart in the ways of the games.
LC - our "boss." He seemed way too close to Sabina for comfort and was generally just weird. But he left me alone and told me I did great, so I was all good.
On the way there we blared music and napped and none of us really talked much.
We stopped at Big Boy for lunch/breakfast and me and the guys downed, like, two plates each at the all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet they have while the girls I was with munched on grapes and half a muffin. The guys all kind of gained a respect for me. Ray and Allan both started looking at me different (which we'll get into later).
We got back on the road and about an hour before we got there it started raining and we were all like "WHAT THE FUCK IT'S RAINING UP HERE?! BITCHES!" after this bonding moment (and many jokes about how I was sliding all over the backseat because I refused to put on my seat belt and every time we turned I'd run into either Jess or Allan who were on either side of me) we spun off the road. Like the car I was in spun off the road. Nobody was hurt, and honestly, it was kind of fun.... His tire is dead, but that seemed to be the extent of the damage.
That kinda made me, Ray, Jess, and Allan all get tighter as we laughed over the ridiculousness of having spun off the road and fairly constantly made fun of LC for spinning us off.
We got to our hotel, which was beautiful, and it had a pool and Wifi. Jess and I instantly declared we were sharing one of the beds because NEITHER of us wanted to be closer to the annoying blondies than we absolutely needed to. (Later that night we actually locked them out for an hour and said we'd been over in the guys room just for peace and quiet.) We all got ready and chilled around for about half an hour until we needed to leave for the job. Friday that was from 4-8 and we had to stand around, in the rain, handing out free samples and coupons for Frozen Strawberry Lemonades from McDonald's. "Hi! Would you like to try a free frozen strawberry lemonade from McDonalds? How many calories? I don't fucking know I'm just here to smile!" I was under a huge umbrella with Ray and Allan, which was really fun. We all kind of just talked, and guessed the years of the cars going by. When I told them I was 16, both of their jaws fell and you could see in their eyes that the hopes they'd both had of getting into my pants that night were gone. When we got off work we went back to the hotel and into the hot tub for a while (all 8 of us) and Allan's mind started a debate you could see. I can honestly say, I was kinda like "If I were single...."
After that we all got out and got cleaned up and drove to some Mom and Pop pub where we ate this completely delicious meal. The service sucked and there was no atmosphere, but it was awesome food with good people, so we were all set. The epic war of rock, paper, scissors began then. Turns out, Jess CAN'T WIN. Which is really funny.
We got back, changed clothes and decided to hit the casino (the one thing to do at night) most of us girls were under 19, but they let us in anyways. I won $7.50 on the slots and was Allan's good luck charm all night (i.e. we stuck together so weirdos didn't hit on me and he won $40 more than he came with). At the end of the night, as we were getting ready to leave, Sabina had almost a full Smirnoff Ice and we had to drink it all before we left. She was taking these baby sips and the shuttle was going to be there in ten minutes. So I stole it from her and chugged the entire thing down. That gained me some SERIOUS respect points.
We went back to the hotel around 2 and us girls crashed in the boys room playing BS and poker and drinking beer until 4:30ish. We got locked out of our room, as Sabina had the key and had magically disappeared...... So we had to bother the sweet old man at the front desk to let us in (Okay, I had to bother the sweet old man. I was the only one who could pretend to be innocent after a couple drinks and no sleep.) Finally we crashed.
We woke up at 9, got ready, and did the McDonald's job again (this time in the sunshine) we stopped at Subway and drove back home. Allan was reading a mini bible in the front, which I found odd and adorable at the same time, I was cuddled up in his sweater dozing in the back, and Jessica was sleeping or texting the whole time.
All in all, I had a SHITLOAD of fun and CAN'T WAIT to do it again, even though, I really do miss everybody when I'm gone. :[
Friday, June 18, 2010
For once I can post a romantic moment fantasy that isn't pretend.
Oh God... I swear everyday I'm with him, I fall even more in love. That boy is like... This shining star in my life. Even the little things that bug me (like he absolutely hates sand on him and double checks his silverware to make sure it's clean) aren't that bothersome.
Last night, we got home at about 11:30 after watching Hostile 2. (Not late! I had permission so I wasn't in trouble again. I'm being very careful about getting in trouble.) We sat in his car for like half an hour. We kissed a little and we talked, eventually he was like "Unless you want me to fall asleep on the way home, I gotta get Pulp Fiction and get home, babe." So I sighed and was like "Oh-KAY if you feel you must. :P"
So he waited by his side of the car (because I hate getting my door opened for me. I CAN do it myself!) and held my hand because it was super dark and we walked inside, grabbed the movie, made small talk with my grandma (who was surprisingly still awake) and I walked him out into the back yard and hugged him super tight. He hugged me back and we just kinda stood there for a minute and he was like "I love you." and I told him I loved him too. He kissed the tip of my nose and I smiled. And then there was this battle over him leaving in which I kinda pushed him over by the porch and was like "See? You can't go. You have to stay here, for days and days and for forever really." And that went on until I grabbed him again, just before he was about to leave and asked for my goodnight kiss.
And there was this really long, really passionate, really sweet kiss that made me a little dizzy. And he kissed my forehead (something that makes me melt) and said "That was your goodnight kiss. Now go to bed, love." And he kissed my dog and left. It was generally kind of really fantastic.
Last night, we got home at about 11:30 after watching Hostile 2. (Not late! I had permission so I wasn't in trouble again. I'm being very careful about getting in trouble.) We sat in his car for like half an hour. We kissed a little and we talked, eventually he was like "Unless you want me to fall asleep on the way home, I gotta get Pulp Fiction and get home, babe." So I sighed and was like "Oh-KAY if you feel you must. :P"
So he waited by his side of the car (because I hate getting my door opened for me. I CAN do it myself!) and held my hand because it was super dark and we walked inside, grabbed the movie, made small talk with my grandma (who was surprisingly still awake) and I walked him out into the back yard and hugged him super tight. He hugged me back and we just kinda stood there for a minute and he was like "I love you." and I told him I loved him too. He kissed the tip of my nose and I smiled. And then there was this battle over him leaving in which I kinda pushed him over by the porch and was like "See? You can't go. You have to stay here, for days and days and for forever really." And that went on until I grabbed him again, just before he was about to leave and asked for my goodnight kiss.
And there was this really long, really passionate, really sweet kiss that made me a little dizzy. And he kissed my forehead (something that makes me melt) and said "That was your goodnight kiss. Now go to bed, love." And he kissed my dog and left. It was generally kind of really fantastic.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
English mother fucker! Do you speak it?!
"Does he look like a bitch?"
Needless to say I'm watching Pulp Fiction.
This is just kind of a "what's going on in my head" kind of update.
Sam looks like he should be on the cover of a romance novel after fooling around. Specially Thursday night. He was on top of me, holding me, and his hair was all curly and sexy and loose... I love when his hair is down. Being grounded sucks, but honestly... There are worse punishments for an hour and a half of bliss.
That my grandma doesn't trust me as much now, that's... That's not good. And that I'm not so happy about and I'm gonna try to get that back.... That's really the only thing I think I did wrong was betray her trust. She does too. We talked about it. She said that I'm 16, I'm expected to be stupid and fool around with boys (I wonder what would have happened if I'd been with a girl...) she just didn't expect me to do it in her house when I knew she wouldn't be there.
I miss Sam.
These next couple days are going to be so boring without him. I've been talking to him on the phone and messaging and texting him more than usual. We've been in pretty constant communication.
God... I can't wait for Wednesday. I can't wait for my life to be back.
Needless to say I'm watching Pulp Fiction.
This is just kind of a "what's going on in my head" kind of update.
Sam looks like he should be on the cover of a romance novel after fooling around. Specially Thursday night. He was on top of me, holding me, and his hair was all curly and sexy and loose... I love when his hair is down. Being grounded sucks, but honestly... There are worse punishments for an hour and a half of bliss.
That my grandma doesn't trust me as much now, that's... That's not good. And that I'm not so happy about and I'm gonna try to get that back.... That's really the only thing I think I did wrong was betray her trust. She does too. We talked about it. She said that I'm 16, I'm expected to be stupid and fool around with boys (I wonder what would have happened if I'd been with a girl...) she just didn't expect me to do it in her house when I knew she wouldn't be there.
I miss Sam.
These next couple days are going to be so boring without him. I've been talking to him on the phone and messaging and texting him more than usual. We've been in pretty constant communication.
God... I can't wait for Wednesday. I can't wait for my life to be back.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
you can love someone, that doesn't really mean you like them all the time.
ug.
Sam and I are fighting.
Actually fighting.
He's completely obsessed with school and never wants to go anywhere. I want to go to the beach Thursday with a huge group of our friends to celebrate the end of school.
Well Sam wants to do nothing.
He wants to sit at home and study for his ACT SATURDAY and play video games and do nothing.
I find this to be an extremely boring way to celebrate the end of school and am completely convinced that he needs to get some kind of life. Plus I really want to go, it sounds like so much fun and I'm volunteering all summer, so I can't really go out on a random day without a weeks notice so I can get somebody else to cover that shift at the library. I want to do something totally random and spontaneous before I have to work.
You know what?
I'm going.
And I'm drinking.
And he can suck it.
Sam and I are fighting.
Actually fighting.
He's completely obsessed with school and never wants to go anywhere. I want to go to the beach Thursday with a huge group of our friends to celebrate the end of school.
Well Sam wants to do nothing.
He wants to sit at home and study for his ACT SATURDAY and play video games and do nothing.
I find this to be an extremely boring way to celebrate the end of school and am completely convinced that he needs to get some kind of life. Plus I really want to go, it sounds like so much fun and I'm volunteering all summer, so I can't really go out on a random day without a weeks notice so I can get somebody else to cover that shift at the library. I want to do something totally random and spontaneous before I have to work.
You know what?
I'm going.
And I'm drinking.
And he can suck it.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Festival. Day 1.
Aw man, do you have any idea how nice it is to be able to hang out with a male friend you can flirt with, hug, link arms, skip, and just be generally weird with?
So amazing.
James and I had an EPIC time at Festival, needless to say. We made a picture together. :D I think I'm gonna have to photocopy it and make a copy for him, cuz it was way too awesome.
But I did have a moment of weakness, from far away this kid looked like Austin, and he was singing. I just kinda wanted to run up to him kiss him and hug him and be like "I missed you so much!" But when I got up closer, that feeling was gone. He didn't look like Austin up close.
Aw, man. James said the BEST thing. I mean, made my YEAR! He was like "So where did Sam go?" and I'm like "Oh he went to Ryan's to play video games and be all masculine." "So... Wait... He went to video games... Over THIS?!" he said, pointing at me. And he just generally complimented me and was a sweetheart all around. And it was great, because I didn't even slightly worry that he might have actual feelings for me, or I for him. We were just hanging out together. I LOVE being able to juts hang out and hang on and flirt with my male friends without it getting weird. I used to do that with Nuri, but then he started dating Allison and I was going out with Sam and we lost something there. Not necessarily in a bad way. But I lost that.
I want that again. Like a guy best friend I can just hang all over and my boyfriend's okay with it and knows that it's just me being me not me trying to come on to him. A guy I can tell anything to and vice versa without me dating him so that I can bitch to him about who I AM dating and have him give the male perspective. Like a very masculine gay guy. That's what I need.
So amazing.
James and I had an EPIC time at Festival, needless to say. We made a picture together. :D I think I'm gonna have to photocopy it and make a copy for him, cuz it was way too awesome.
But I did have a moment of weakness, from far away this kid looked like Austin, and he was singing. I just kinda wanted to run up to him kiss him and hug him and be like "I missed you so much!" But when I got up closer, that feeling was gone. He didn't look like Austin up close.
Aw, man. James said the BEST thing. I mean, made my YEAR! He was like "So where did Sam go?" and I'm like "Oh he went to Ryan's to play video games and be all masculine." "So... Wait... He went to video games... Over THIS?!" he said, pointing at me. And he just generally complimented me and was a sweetheart all around. And it was great, because I didn't even slightly worry that he might have actual feelings for me, or I for him. We were just hanging out together. I LOVE being able to juts hang out and hang on and flirt with my male friends without it getting weird. I used to do that with Nuri, but then he started dating Allison and I was going out with Sam and we lost something there. Not necessarily in a bad way. But I lost that.
I want that again. Like a guy best friend I can just hang all over and my boyfriend's okay with it and knows that it's just me being me not me trying to come on to him. A guy I can tell anything to and vice versa without me dating him so that I can bitch to him about who I AM dating and have him give the male perspective. Like a very masculine gay guy. That's what I need.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
I hate goodbyes.
I love how goodbyes take twenty minutes at least
I love how you "ban" certain music, but you'll listen to my indie crap.
I love how you hug me tight. I love when you pick me up and spin me around. I've never trusted anyone else enough to do that.
I love the way you look at me like... like I'm special, like I'm good.
I love that you don't take my shit.
I love that shy smile you have.
I love the way your fingers glide across the piano and your eyes close when you're really into it.
I love that your favorite movie is Terminator 2 because you grew up on it.
I love the way that you're honest about not knowing what to do, or what to say, and you'll just say it. You'll just say "I have no idea what to say right now, so... I'm just gonna say (insert random thing here)" or "I don't know what to do, so I'm just going to give you a hug."
I love the way you hold my hand.
I love the way you kiss my forehead.
I love the way you'll listen to me go on and on about Glee and Gossip Girl and just smile like I'm talking about something interesting.
I love the way you'll work on things that don't work with me.
I love looking at your eyes. It's like... I can see exactly what you're thinking in them.
I love how sweet and compassionate and caring you are.
I love that you have a 4.0 and will continue to have a 4.0 despite everything.
I love that you're so strong.
I love everything about you.
I could go on and on and on and on and on and on and on, but I have to go to bed.
I love you.
I love you so much.
You're my chocolate cake. You'll never see this. But that's okay. I just needed to say it. <3
I love how you "ban" certain music, but you'll listen to my indie crap.
I love how you hug me tight. I love when you pick me up and spin me around. I've never trusted anyone else enough to do that.
I love the way you look at me like... like I'm special, like I'm good.
I love that you don't take my shit.
I love that shy smile you have.
I love the way your fingers glide across the piano and your eyes close when you're really into it.
I love that your favorite movie is Terminator 2 because you grew up on it.
I love the way that you're honest about not knowing what to do, or what to say, and you'll just say it. You'll just say "I have no idea what to say right now, so... I'm just gonna say (insert random thing here)" or "I don't know what to do, so I'm just going to give you a hug."
I love the way you hold my hand.
I love the way you kiss my forehead.
I love the way you'll listen to me go on and on about Glee and Gossip Girl and just smile like I'm talking about something interesting.
I love the way you'll work on things that don't work with me.
I love looking at your eyes. It's like... I can see exactly what you're thinking in them.
I love how sweet and compassionate and caring you are.
I love that you have a 4.0 and will continue to have a 4.0 despite everything.
I love that you're so strong.
I love everything about you.
I could go on and on and on and on and on and on and on, but I have to go to bed.
I love you.
I love you so much.
You're my chocolate cake. You'll never see this. But that's okay. I just needed to say it. <3
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Memorial Day, Michigan Adventures, and a nice long weekend.
Yesterday was Memorial Day. Making Friday, Saturday, and Sunday Memorial Day WEEKEND. Which was GREAT. Saturday I went to go see a movie with Brian, Jonah, and Sam. Which was, like, a lot of fun. And we went back to Jonah's and had yummy food and walked up to Blockbuster and got The Jungle Book and went back to watch it. :D
Sunday I kinda lazed around, did a bit of work, watched some movies, etc.
Monday! Monday was awesome!! Monday I went to the mall with Sam, Joseph, Nuri, and Chris where I was the female pimp with my male escorts. Lol. We wandered around and I shoplifted a lot of stuff and it was just all around great. They wouldn't let us into Kick Ass, which SUCKED, but that's okay because we went back to Sam's and watched Harold and Kumar (best movie ever!) and Allison came over and we had pizza and went in the hot tub. :D <3 Which was great. When we got out it was pretty much time for everyone to leave, so we all took off, Sam and I dropping Joe off and stopping by Lucy's to get my cardigan.
Then we went home... To find that my house was empty. The tomfoolery started almost instantly. And have I mentioned Sam has the hands of a sex god? To reward him, he got a little bit of oral, which is a lot more pleasurable to give to him than to my ex even though he's... um... Larger. By quite a bit.
Anyways, we fooled around till we both hit peak, then we cuddled on my bed and talked about dreams... When we grow up what do we want our lives to be like. They're not different. I mean, if this lasts, that wouldn't be an issue. We both want to be married with a kid or two in a house or apartment with lots of room (he doesn't care where, but I would like to live in Manhattan or Chicago or something) and enough money that we're on top of it all and can pretty well provide for everyone. He wants to make video games, I want to be a child psychologist. I want a yellow kitchen and he said he's always loved yellow kitchens. Something about a kitchen makes me think that it should be yellow.
But that was heavenly. And today we went to Michigan's Adventure's for a "Physics Trip" which was actually the Junior's reward for taking the MME/ACT/whatever else we took and passing AYP. It was so fun. I came in late, did nothing while I was AT school for all of forty five minutes, then went to the bus to go. took an hour to get up there and we went on like five rides, ate lunch, then hit the water park.
Have I mentioned Sam looks yummy in a swimsuit? He does. We did so much shit in the water park and Sam made me jealous by touching his tongue to his nose (I can't and always thought it was way cool) so I spat my tongue out at him and he wraps his arms around me and whispers in my ear "For your tongue being so short, it sure can do amazing things." and I was like... *kisses* I've never actually been complimented on my kissing. I figured I was a good kisser, but I've never been told so that I can remember. Well, other than by Sam. Compliments are always a big thing with me. Every time I get one I'm all super surprised.
Anyways, water slides, roller coasters, root beer floats, and back on the bus where Sam was an uncooperative pillow. :P He kept moving, cuz he was sleeping too. And school buses are not the comfiest place to sleep.
And then he stayed with me until my grandma got there, simply because I asked, even though he wanted to go home. (I was falling asleep still and didn't want some crazy person coming and attacking me or something cuz I passed out on the red bench by school.)
I didn't get sunburnt either! :D
Mmmmm.... Today was so great.
I have the best boyfriend ever.
My lips are really red. What is up with that?
Sunday I kinda lazed around, did a bit of work, watched some movies, etc.
Monday! Monday was awesome!! Monday I went to the mall with Sam, Joseph, Nuri, and Chris where I was the female pimp with my male escorts. Lol. We wandered around and I shoplifted a lot of stuff and it was just all around great. They wouldn't let us into Kick Ass, which SUCKED, but that's okay because we went back to Sam's and watched Harold and Kumar (best movie ever!) and Allison came over and we had pizza and went in the hot tub. :D <3 Which was great. When we got out it was pretty much time for everyone to leave, so we all took off, Sam and I dropping Joe off and stopping by Lucy's to get my cardigan.
Then we went home... To find that my house was empty. The tomfoolery started almost instantly. And have I mentioned Sam has the hands of a sex god? To reward him, he got a little bit of oral, which is a lot more pleasurable to give to him than to my ex even though he's... um... Larger. By quite a bit.
Anyways, we fooled around till we both hit peak, then we cuddled on my bed and talked about dreams... When we grow up what do we want our lives to be like. They're not different. I mean, if this lasts, that wouldn't be an issue. We both want to be married with a kid or two in a house or apartment with lots of room (he doesn't care where, but I would like to live in Manhattan or Chicago or something) and enough money that we're on top of it all and can pretty well provide for everyone. He wants to make video games, I want to be a child psychologist. I want a yellow kitchen and he said he's always loved yellow kitchens. Something about a kitchen makes me think that it should be yellow.
But that was heavenly. And today we went to Michigan's Adventure's for a "Physics Trip" which was actually the Junior's reward for taking the MME/ACT/whatever else we took and passing AYP. It was so fun. I came in late, did nothing while I was AT school for all of forty five minutes, then went to the bus to go. took an hour to get up there and we went on like five rides, ate lunch, then hit the water park.
Have I mentioned Sam looks yummy in a swimsuit? He does. We did so much shit in the water park and Sam made me jealous by touching his tongue to his nose (I can't and always thought it was way cool) so I spat my tongue out at him and he wraps his arms around me and whispers in my ear "For your tongue being so short, it sure can do amazing things." and I was like... *kisses* I've never actually been complimented on my kissing. I figured I was a good kisser, but I've never been told so that I can remember. Well, other than by Sam. Compliments are always a big thing with me. Every time I get one I'm all super surprised.
Anyways, water slides, roller coasters, root beer floats, and back on the bus where Sam was an uncooperative pillow. :P He kept moving, cuz he was sleeping too. And school buses are not the comfiest place to sleep.
And then he stayed with me until my grandma got there, simply because I asked, even though he wanted to go home. (I was falling asleep still and didn't want some crazy person coming and attacking me or something cuz I passed out on the red bench by school.)
I didn't get sunburnt either! :D
Mmmmm.... Today was so great.
I have the best boyfriend ever.
My lips are really red. What is up with that?
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