"You're like the sister I always wanted and never admitted I did."

Tonight started off fabulously. I went to Modeling and did great, met Nuri and Chris downtown, ran into Pagiel and a bunch of other people... Twas fabulous. I taught Nuri to swing dance, I flirted and laughed and had boys talk about me and how they wanted me.
I taught Nuri to swing dance and learned a few new tricks. Chris was flipping me around like nobody's business. It was a fantastic time.
Then on the car ride home, Nuri told me something that I'm not willing to post on the internet or tell anyone. It's not their business, it's his. It made me seriously question him and kind of killed the night for a while.
I was texting him until I gathered my thoughts, and then called him. We talked for a long while (we actually just got off the phone at 1:47) and.... While I feel better in general, I felt my long-held hopes and dreams of him ever wanting me when he said, "You're like the sister I always wanted and never admitted I did."
I guess.... I guess after he said what he'd said that dream was kind of crushed anyways. I guess what I told him the other night is still true. "I want the you that isn't you. I want a photocopy of you so I can keep you." I'd now white out some of that photocopy, but... Same basic image. It's like photoshopping something: You keep the idea but make it better. At least, I do. I just make my pictures better. They are the same image though.
I guess.... I don't know. I guess I just want.... I want a movie romance.
If I were writing a movie about this.... Nuri would have done what he did different and I would have been there and... I don't know. Anyways.
I... I'm going to be single.
I'm going to be SINGLE.
For at least six months. I need to. For me. Random kisses and the occasional date that means nothing don't count. But what I mean is... If I have a serious like, I'm going to go so slow with it that it's barely moving. If I met a guy of my dreams tomorrow, I would wait two months to kiss him. I'm not going to do this thing I keep doing where I jump into relationships and everything fizzles out. I'm going to go slow. I'm going to relax.

Goal: Relax.