Gotta Agree With Jenna

Boys are stupid.
But..... they are also there to kiss and, um, other things.
Is that pathetic? The thing I miss most about Sam is that he was freaking awesome at that stuff. When it came to the more sexual aspects of the relationship... whoa.
I love kisses. I love fooling around.
I hate that I'm not getting it.

And refound feelings for a good friend suck too. Because of his whole deal with Allison and Kaleigh. I mean, K is bad for him, so is A. I'm good for him, but he'll need time after this whole mess to get himself okay so he can handle another relationship. Which means even if I am single and so is he, I can't very well do much about it. Plus..... Sam is one of his friends. Soo.... It's not cool to go after a friend of the ex. I don't want to feel this way about him... But I do.
Fuck balls Nuri, why must you be cute and good looking and easy to talk to and so easy to trust? Why must I be going swing dancing with you later? Why am going to ask you to hang out with me and Lucy at her house after Swing? Why? Because your cute and nice and funny and caring and I've wanted to be the girl on your arm since we were freshmen.
Fuck this shit.
Fuck it over and over and over again.

Ahhh well.
Back to Library work. By that I mean, I need to stop bitching about this and do something. But I can't do anything. If I want him... I need to wait. Can I wait? Can I deal with being single and wanting someone who I need to wait for? Who knows. I don't do single well. I'm going to try. He's.... He's worth it. More than worth it.
What I said to him the other night was true. "I can't be with you because if we were together it would go one of two ways: (1) it would be great, we'd get married, be together till we die. (2) It'd be awful, there'd be a huge messy breakup and I'd loose you like this... As my friend." Only now... I don't seem to care about loosing him as my friend. Maybe that's just because he's unavailable or because He's comfortable to sit on and made me stop crying yesterday.
I'm such a slut.