I made... Honor Roll? You sure? That's my name, all right. WEIRD!

So, obviously, I made honor roll last trimester in my high school. I'm a total slacker so that was actually surprising, weird, and cool. And totally surreal.
Other than that the day pretty much sucked. I cried and had the begining of a panic attack in fourth hour, skipped fifth hour (apparently, we did one of my favorite songs in it too. OF COURSE WE DID!) because of it, called my grandma and told her I was skipping fifth hour (honesty is the best policy in our house. She doesn't really care what I do, as long as she knows about it.), and went home. I was cleaning my room in a nice calm way for a while, then she came home demanding answers and making me call my therapist, Stephanie.
I'm a perfectionist (see last post) and I expect anything I try at to be perfect and I'm not talking by other people's standards, I'm talking about I want them to pass my standards, which is about fifty times more difficult. I'm getting a B in French, Econ, and Physics. I have an A in Rockband (we literally have jam sessions and insult each other all day. the end.), but that class just goes in electives anyways and doesn't do much but make an easy A to improve my GPA with. I have an E in my english class because I got behind on a few things with our RIDICULOUSLY boring book, Things Fall Apart, that I didn't read.
Now, as soon as I get my makeup work in, I'll be up to at least a B. But that's not going to keep me from freaking out. I need to have an A if I'm going to try. It's pointless to try if I'm not going to get an A in EVERYTHING.

But focusing on school the way I am makes it difficult for me to focus on modeling, which doesn't come naturally. It takes effort. I mean, I'm a pretty girl, but that doesn't mean that I'm a good model right off the bat. It takes work mastering your facial expressions and body positions. And I need to be practicing at least a half an hour a day. But I'm not. Why? Because I'm too busy stressing and calming myself down and stressing again because of my lack of straight A's.

And you know what? Stressing about modeling makes me stress about everything. And when I stress about everything I do nothing right. Isn't it great? I'm creating this terrible cycle for myself. (Creating, what am I talking about, I have created this terrible cycle for myself.)

I'm off to do homework and maybe work at breaking (or at least improving) my cycle of perfectionism.
(And I've developed a new taste for Kesha, I never really thought about her before, but I love her. She's so sexist and her music is poppy and angry and lust-filled. If I were a musician, I'd be like her.)