I love how when you don't want to talk to anyone about anything, everyone decides they want to talk to you.
I'm involved in a youth group, which I usually love. Usually I walk out of youth group feeling amazing about myself, life, God, everything. I just feel awesome. Right now though, I feel like shit. I hate everything. I'm so self loathing. I'm wondering how my friends can stand me, how my boyfriend can tolerate kissing me, and I understand why my mom hates me.
Gotta love depression.
Nothing I do is good enough, nothing is right. Everything sucks and nobody loves me.
I know this is ridiculous.
I know that's bullshit.
I know I'm wrong.
Does that keep me from thinking it?
Oh fuck no.
Perfectionism is stupid. And I'm a perfectionist. And a control freak, which is also stupid. The idea of control is completely ridiculous. It's never going to happen, so why do I feel the need to achieve it? I don't know. It's stupid, it's ridiculous, it's impossible.
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